Coffeeholic's Hour

Company trip was held in Club Med, Cherating. We had our drinking sessions every evening. 7 girls in a table was a pretty easy target by others. Our MD was nice enough to tell us of he met a young GO manager and was eager to introduce him to us. So we were like, okay go ahead. He literally brought the guy to our table and started the introduction. "This is W. Customer service department. She's still single." "This is A, PA. She's also single." "This is F from Business team. Oh never mind, she's married." "Then, S from Finance. Also not available." "This is Y. Aiyah never mind, married." "And A also not available." "Oh this is Shuying from Marketing department. Still single. Come Shuying, stand up and see who is taller." I was like, wtf. Wasn't it the way to freak the guys out?! Everyone laughed at him for how lousy the introduction went. So when the guy left, I talked to boss, "Actually hor, I am...

Dear Intruder(s)/Trespasser(s), Please leave a kind reminder or gentle message if you need a space to yell. Because I won't answer your call or reply your SMS HAHAHAHAHA!! **Sticky memo on your right. xx The Menace Hopefully my terrible humor in black permanent pen will, at least, lighten up their day while cursing over my stupidity, or make them stop by my desk for a few seconds when I am away.

I went to McDonald's this morning. Grabbed the newsletter, ordered hotcakes, waited for the sugar refill. Few college students were there to enjoy early breakfast with their mates. A college boy was getting his ketchup and making his coffee at the corner, while I tried to grab sugar and plastic utensils. He kept looking up and down for his ketchup and coffee. "You're so tall." I stoned there for while, didn't know what should I say next, just beamed at him and walked back to my table. Returned to my office and saw my colleague coming in already, I told her about this incident. "What should be my next line? I don't think 'thank you' is appropriate. Beaming is somehow, impolite and idiotic. What do you think?" "Haven't you been practiced for all this while? 'Thank you' would be good." Still I don't think 'thank you' is good, as I never consider this shit as a compliment. Kinda tricky, you see, because one of my...

We were having dinner with MD on the second day of the trip. While pushing rice using chopsticks, he paused and asked, "So Shuying, how is your boyfriend?" 8 of us, including myself, were stopped pushing rice and looked into my direction, quietly waiting for a response. I sheepishly smiled and denied, "I'm single lah, Mr. Lim." He was like shocked to hear it. "What happened to your boyfriend?" I then again denied it. So BD manager looked bizarrely at MD, "Are you sure you have seen her boyfriend before?" Everyone started backing me up, "We all knew she is single since she joined the company." "Noooo... I have seen her boyfriend waiting and picking her up outside the hotel." Everyone stopped pushing rice again. OUTSIDE HOTEL?! I was friggin' innocent! "What car did he drive?" BD manager asked. "Tsk tsk. Look at you girls, only noticed what car a guy drives. I can't remember the car though." ...

I warn all my colleagues who are going to ride on Xiao Bai that I curse while driving. The first victim was my Director's PA. Right after the second I was done with explaining my rule, I cursed so hard before driving off the building. Shocked, but she followed all the way with bad attitude driver. Ha! Second victim would be my senior marketing comrade. "I heard about the warning but I'm not sure if that's gonna happen at my presence... *I cued in with harder cuss* okay, that just happened." *turn to PA, asked, 'how furious she could be' and PA just beamed her silly question away. The next time PA lady rides on, I sheepishly joke about how much I thought I were driving a Ferrari. She replied nonchalantly, "yeah but definitely not for the parking part."

Last night I went for a late-night movie with lousy cousin. The cinema was crowded with peeps like us, who got no idea where to spend their Raya hence all peeps ended up in cinema. Even lousy movies got a few seats left at its last screening time. Queue was freaking long and messy. We queued behind this huge Indian male. He was all alone. It's such a boredom to snail our moves there. We were kinda panicked when our desirable show got sold out, so we kept an eye on the screen from time to time. All of a sudden, I smelled poison gas. I then moved aside and hid behind cuzzie, whispered "Somebody's fucking farted in the queue!" She smelled it, showed me her vomiting face. After a while, I thought to myself, this Indian won't embarrass himself by farting twice. So we stood in parallel, just in case shit happened again. This parallel thingy was kinda nonsense. I had no idea how we thought this through. You guessed it right. He farted, twice. It was smellier. I couldn...