Another life and death phase
It has always been good thing for the rise of Twitter and the saturation of blogging market. When people tend to retrieve quick information from tweet, they bother not to read lengthy writing piece, hence people like me would have written with less restriction in mind.
It has been a while I last updated my friends of my whereabouts. All I would say is things have been spiraling up and down in erratic mode, which I thought I could have died young if I mishandled any trifles in life. Sounds exaggerating, you think. Once I spoke to a friend about the ups and downs. You gotta understand he has known me for almost all my life, hence I could not blame him snorted at my paranoia and naivety about life and death. But this one is pretty tough for me. I had already lost someone I loved and who had loved me for more than 24 years. It was comforting to know that he actually asked about me when he had a stronger heart to do so. I thought it was, you know, a phase of life and death; time will heal the scars, blah-blah. And it has yet healed mine.
Thinking of them marry for 58 years - he bought her groceries and veggies, enjoyed traditional kopi-o, watched TV, travelled and gossiped together - and those routines were repeated everyday without fail. The other day I was drafting this proposal and glanced through the clock on desktop, mind was routing back to the familiar setting - of having my grandma watch TV in the living room, without any human communication, she stared at her favourite drama, which used to be their favourite entertainment a month ago. My nose went sour, seeing her stare at the same picture for not knowing how to switch channel. And she had no one to discuss the plot with. That loneliness strike me so hard that I thought I could try to speak with her but physically I wasn't there for her. Sucked up all the tears I could have overflown in reality, I then let them all out again when I drove home. That was the hardest night I had ever been.
I might not learn so much about love when I was young and I could not promise I could master it as time goes by. Nevertheless, I should have known how to love someone better compared to the last time I devoted in. Love was the last, best thing you had left for all of us.
It has been a while I last updated my friends of my whereabouts. All I would say is things have been spiraling up and down in erratic mode, which I thought I could have died young if I mishandled any trifles in life. Sounds exaggerating, you think. Once I spoke to a friend about the ups and downs. You gotta understand he has known me for almost all my life, hence I could not blame him snorted at my paranoia and naivety about life and death. But this one is pretty tough for me. I had already lost someone I loved and who had loved me for more than 24 years. It was comforting to know that he actually asked about me when he had a stronger heart to do so. I thought it was, you know, a phase of life and death; time will heal the scars, blah-blah. And it has yet healed mine.
Thinking of them marry for 58 years - he bought her groceries and veggies, enjoyed traditional kopi-o, watched TV, travelled and gossiped together - and those routines were repeated everyday without fail. The other day I was drafting this proposal and glanced through the clock on desktop, mind was routing back to the familiar setting - of having my grandma watch TV in the living room, without any human communication, she stared at her favourite drama, which used to be their favourite entertainment a month ago. My nose went sour, seeing her stare at the same picture for not knowing how to switch channel. And she had no one to discuss the plot with. That loneliness strike me so hard that I thought I could try to speak with her but physically I wasn't there for her. Sucked up all the tears I could have overflown in reality, I then let them all out again when I drove home. That was the hardest night I had ever been.
I might not learn so much about love when I was young and I could not promise I could master it as time goes by. Nevertheless, I should have known how to love someone better compared to the last time I devoted in. Love was the last, best thing you had left for all of us.
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