Closing for my 20s

Yes, I'm heading to 30s era in the next few days. Albeit it's just a number you'd say, big deal haha. Nonetheless, it's the most vital decade of my life - moments I was sane and courageous enough to face problems, make decisions, get through them, and look back of how it started and where I ended.

Let's review the trend of this decade with a few words:
20-22: Fidgeting time. Countless first encounters and experiences. Where true friends bonded. Happiest and most carefree times.

23-25: Toughest time. Moving out. Job after job. Tight financials. Steep learning curve on life, work and people. Lost star in the galaxy.

26-29: Turning point after meeting the love of my life. Not getting easy but it gets better when someone is there to lend a shoulder.

Mistakes
When I was on holiday last week, I was putting so much thoughts about this reflection. On one of the conversations, my husband asked me why was I not getting in touch with friends who used to be so close with. Paused with long silence. Some, I have forgotten the reasons of losing touch again. Some, I couldn't even remember their real name anymore but Facebook name only. Some, I knew the reasons and I was ashamed to admit that I lost them for my personal huge ego which made me look kinda stupid now and thought 'how could this happen anyway'. I guess it's right that you could not lose face and have strong competitions for 'things' that you just gonna win them over. Ego issues. Huge then, tiny now. And the price is paid now.

Another question that struck me was what made me think I was right all the time? As time goes by, right and wrong is not the only answer to a certain questions. However, we live in the time with full of judgemental people - they take either one and have no time for explanation. 'Stereotyping is faster,' quoted from Ryan Bingham in Up In The Air. I have been self-righteous person about every decision I make due to my upbringing. And I did some bad decisions sometimes especially handling communications like I always regretted what I said or how I said it. I hardly apologised. I would either command or withdraw from situations. I gave up easily without trying because I did not want to fix things and have them broken with my own hands, twice. I was a heartbreaker. Today, I am not proud of my so called self-righteousness and I am terribly sorry for I could not recognise and apologise for these behaviours that cause pain to others in the past.

Learning
It's true when they say, you never know how strong are you until you know getting stronger is the only choice. How to be strong along this journey - you don't take advantages, you live on your own without family support, you take note on all the resources you could use in emergency, you select your friends carefully, you laugh even you're in pain, you take shit with lower pay while the rest is getting higher pay - and you give back when you could afford to. Also, you find role model you could imitate and learn from their success.

Future
If you asked me if I would want to turn back time, I'd reject this suggestion without hesitation. Are you kidding me? After all this shit I had been through, no freaking way. I used to say this to my friends that I can't wait to grow older because I get to say goodbye to my naivety, timidity and indecisiveness.

If you asked me what I would want to change from the past, no, I accept all the mistakes and learning because they've built me to be a better person now. My husband is the best witness to see how I've grown from a stubborn princess to a more understanding and caring person.

If you asked me what I would not change, I'd say, a good heart and a good smile for good and bad days. Practise more of the act of random kindness, have good manners, integrity and common courtesy, and be humble.

Someday, I wanna be a role model for some young girls who like to look up on and to learn from in future. I will want to be inspired and become an inspiration for others. I'm positive that how I learn to look like in my 30s.

Thank you, 20s.

You are welcome, 30s.